Starting something new can really suck. Take starting a new job, for example, and not understanding the nuances of an unfamiliar workplace. Where do you keep extra pens? Is arriving five minutes late acceptable here and there? Is the boss a micromanager or does she expect me to do it all with no guidance? There are so many things to learn and, if you’re like me, you feel terribly uncomfortable standing in that space. With experience and a lot of grace, I’ve learned to cool it with this insecurity and honor the pace at which I learn new things. But it still kind of sucks. Other situations where you have to adjust your ideals and sensibilities to fit into an environment that is not exclusively “you”? Starting a new gym or workout class. Entering into a new way of eating, like becoming a vegan or cutting out sugar. Having a baby! With all of these, there are universally accepted benchmarks that can make you feel like you’re doing it the right way or the wrong way and most likely, you’re going to feel like you’re not succeeding.

“As long as your goal is to make something YOU like, you can’t fail. It’s impossible.”

Art making, however, is a wide open space for YOU to be the number one sole proprietor of your human experience. No one is telling you what time to show up. It’s perfectly fine to mess up or get off track, in fact messing up OFTEN leads to a new discovery that you love even more than your intended outcome! Art doesn’t say “You did this wrong!” Art is understanding, forgiving, and filled with grace for the beautiful human (that’s you) that made the choice to make it.

When the motivation came to me to start painting again, I purchased my supplies and set up a space to paint with the fury that could only come from a woman who was 5 months pregnant in the middle of a pandemic. Art making, as it turned out, was my form of nesting. I had everything I needed; paints, brushes, a few canvases, a nice space to work, motivation, etc. I put some paint on my palette, put on an apron and was ready to dive in! In that moment, however, a flood of insecurity washed over me.

“People are going to think I’ve lost my damn mind because no one knows that at my core, I am an artist.”

“My art isn’t going to be understood or liked by other people.”

“What if I start this and, like a lot of things in my life, it ends up being a phase?”

These were all rooted in my insecurities about trying something new, which was less about the art making and more about doing something for myself. I was afraid of the vulnerability. Even after having two babies, I still consider the decision to paint again (and sharing it with the world) to be the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever done. I had to simply say “NOPE!” to my intrusive, self-sabotaging thoughts. Making something beautiful just for the sake of making something beautiful is what art is all about. It’s a straight up visual representation of my values, my love, my preferences, my inner thoughts. I might be the only person who understands it, who likes it, but that’s ultimately all that matters. (Although, it’s VERY cool to have your art validated by others, but that’s another story.)

So, if you’re thinking about trying something new, might I suggest some art making? As long as your goal is to make something YOU like, you can’t fail. It’s impossible.

SJC